Crazy stuff and long distance relationships. 12/22/2011
It's been a crazy past couple of days with getting ready for Christmas and dealing with a surprise issue that has been been...months in the making. So here's what I've been up to that's a bit interesting (or at least I'd consider it interesting). In the wake of all the bad news, it's time for something good to come up. It's official, I stopped screwing around with my "male friend". Ok, I haven't done so in at least three weeks anyway, but I made it definite. Why? I met someone (I think I mentioned that) and he's really awesome. However there's a teeny problem. He's about 2+ hours away from me. He really wants to make it work out, which is pretty cool but I'm not sure how we're going to do it. I really like him and it'd be awesome if we make this work. But I've never done anything long distance. I mean...the farthest "distance" I've ever done was like 20 minutes, if that. I asked him to move in with me (Oh God what have I done?!). Now we both have kids (mines almost 2, his is about 7 months) and both want at least one more. But the issue that's holding him back is he doesn't trust anyone but his current child care situation to watch his daughter, so we'd have to figure out something where I could be home while he's at work and still be able to work. So this otta be interesting for sure. But (and this is amazing to hear seeing as I'm not a hopeful person) I have hope that this'll work out. I slightly believe in the "everything happens for a reason" stuff so I do believe we met for a reason. So hey, we'll see! Add Comment Soldiers 12/19/2011
So I didn't post yesterday, and I'm kinda a loss of words today as well. I guess I have something to talk about. I deal with a couple of soldiers that I'm friends with. Both of them are no longer in their branch of the armed forces (one was with the army, the other marines). One of them, who is a very, very close friend of mine, was in Afghanistan for about a year. When he came home he had a pretty messed up news (nothing that I will get into) and he did some not good things. Now as messed up as he chooses to believe he is, I know him (what I'd like to consider) pretty well and I don't see it. The other friend of mine was in the army for about three years and calls himself a monster (won't get into what he's done, but the same thing, I wouldn't consider him a monster). I do understand that a LOT of soldiers come home not in the right mind, or how they used to be, but what makes them consider themselves so bad? I'm close to both of these men, and both of them are not bad. One of them is going to be a surgeon and cares very much and is very passionate about helping people that way. And the other is an amazing father, works with mentally handicapped people and loves his job, and volunteers as much as he can at the local shelter for homeless people (including on almost every holiday). They are no where near monsters and are both very good people. In my opinion....I know you men and women have been through a lot...but you are heroes and I thank you all very much. Love 12/17/2011
So I'm really on the topic of love tonight. I had a thought the other day and I guess I'm going to post it. This would be one of the those people would probably be considered "dark". So I know I'm not the only one who occasionally has the thought of "What's the point of doing so much in life and working so hard to get far when you're going to die in the end?" This thought is kind of the same you could say. I was thinking, when someone dies, if they were romantically and emotionally involved with someone, that someone else is hurt. There's no denying it. So you fall in love, regardless, even if the couple is together for many many many years (the rest of their lives you could say), someone's going to hurt and someone's going to get hurt. One person is going to die. Yeah, that's depressing but it's true if you think about it. So think about it: You work so hard to get far in life, then in the end, you die. You work so hard to maintain a good, trusting relationship and not hurt your significant other, then in the end, you die and they hurt. Life seems a little pointless sometimes doesn't it? So I guess 12/17/2011
I guess you could jump on board and say this post here goes with my last one about longing for love. I am very very very very very very very very very (x920393402574375 or however many more number you want to add) very strongly considering stopping what's going on with my "male friend" (not that we've hooked up in a while). And before anyone goes and jumps to the conclusion of "OMFG she did want she said she wouldn't do!!" (refer to my 2nd post), it's not true. I didn't develop feelings for him, nor will I. So why you ask and I so strongly considering stopping this? Well for one, I do, in fact long for love, as I mentioned before. And I know I won't get it, nor will I give it to him. I can't after all. I probably couldn't if I tried. Relationships can't start out with sex. And besides, why would you bother trying to make something work when you've tried and failed before (we briefly dated a couple years back, it clearly didn't work). And reason number two. I met someone (everyone say yay! But hold back too much excitement please!). He's pretty awesome. He says he really wants us to work and whatnot. I hope he's serious. I've been told that before. He lives...a decent amount away from me. About two hours. But I guess he's thinking about maybe moving closer. So that should mean something right? But the last time after my failed engagement that I had a guy tell me he wanted to move in with me, get married and start a family, he changed his mind. All excited about making plans with me on Friday night, then Saturday, changed his mind, stopped talking to me all together. I have a problem. It's a decent problem. Guys do that to me and I either jump on board and say "OK!" then they change their minds -or- I shut down and get scared. This guy said to me a couple days ago that if he were to move up here, he'd eventually want to start a family. I should be thrilled by that! I didn't let on that he just scared the shit outta me and I'm probably going to be beyond guarded now, but I am. Moral of the story....I long for love...but I am so terrified of it.... I long for love 12/17/2011
Ok, so while I am nearly perfectly ok staying single for the rest of my life (my career choice pretty much sees to it that that'll either happen, or be very hard to keep from happening), I very much long for the opportunity to not only say to someone other then family, but hear from someone the 3 words "I love you." I really do like being with people, as awkward as I am. And I love my friends. The closest emotional relationship I have with a guy (or have let myself have with a guy) is a guy I consider to be my brother. He's the one I run to when something goes wrong, or when I need something. He's the one I run to when something good happens or I'm really excited about something. I do love him, but he's my brother. So what do I want? I want an emotional relationship with a guy that can be more then sleeping with a friend. I want to have someone who actually wants to marry me, start a family with me, be with me. I want love. I'm tired of looking for it though. So I've stopped. But yes, yes I want it. We can't all have what we want though can we? Hey All 12/17/2011
Sorry for not writing last night. I spent the night with a girlfriend of mine and didn't get in till late late late. But hey, we had a good time and I have much to write about tonight! Dear YouTube, 12/15/2011
You have been being kind of a pain in the ass. I don't appreciate when I feel like listening to a specific song I don't have downloaded on my computer and/or musical device having wait like an hour to listen to the song. As I sit here listening to my downloaded music on iTunes and not stopping every 10-15 seconds to "load", I like them better. So yes, this is in fact a letter to inform you that our affair for not-yet-downloaded-music-listening-party, is over. I'm sorry. Sincerely, (Not So) Lost In Thought P.S. - Just so you know, my last post about adultery made me see the errors of my way. iTunes forgave me, but I think its only because he's having an affair as well. We'll see. Regardless, today, I still love him. Tomorrow? That's up in the air yet. P.S.S - I'll never forget you! Victims, Cheaters and Dirty Mistresses. 12/15/2011
So talk around the office today was adultery. How we got on the topic? Started talking about the troops coming home from Iraq. That got us talking about the Presidents, which in turn got us started on Clinton. After that, straight into the topic of adultery. Now being a "victim" of a cheating relationship, I have a special incite (yay for something decent to come out of that...an opinion!). My biggest issue (other than the fact that it is pretty damn wrong in many a way), is that the victim usually almost always blames the "dirty mistress" and completely forgives the cheater. S/he isn't a saint, don't act like they are. I don't care how much you think that there's no way they can possibly be to blame, it's not true. The cheater will always have at least 50-100% of the blame. On to the dirty mistresses. If the cheater only has 50% of the blame, the mistress has the other 50%. This would be because they knew about you, the victim. For example (my experience): the mistress knew about my at the time relationship with the cheater. She even hung out with us a good amount of times, pretended to try to be my friend, the whole nine yards. Hell the whole town knew about my relationship with him, so if she ever said she didn't...its bull shit. They each deserve 50% and I blame both of them. So how, you ask, does the dirty mistress get away with 0% of the blame? They honest to God had no idea about you! This would put 100% of the blame on the cheater because, well, s/he shoulda' opened her/his damn mouth and said "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm in a relationship, sorry." Chances are more often then not that if the 3 of you (victim, dirty mistress and cheater) come from the same small town and have always been there, the mistress is gonna know. However, if you and your cheater live in, say Maine, and the mistress is from Texas and they meet in Oregon (business trip?), there is nearly no way she is going to know about you unless your cheater tell's 'em. Now, there is a way for the cheater to get out of any and all blame and for the dirty mistress to get 100% of it. This would be if your "significant other" was drugged by said mistress. However; this would be classified as rape, the "cheater" is now a "rape victim" and the "dirty mistress" is now a "rapist". Story has been changed and completely different measures must be taken. If this is the case...I strongly recommend calling the authorities. Tonight... 12/15/2011
I have two things in particular to talk about. But I wrote down exactly what I wanted to say in my notebook...and that is currently residing in my car SO...as soon as I decide to (wo)man up and go out in the scary dark where creatures are lurking and get it....I will post them. K? Thanks :) Suggestions 12/14/2011
Just wanted to say, if you read this and have any sort of suggestion or anything for me (as far as what you'd like to read about and whatnot) please lemme know and I will write away. I'll write about...anything as long as I can :) You can either go here...or you can just leave me a comment if you please. I won't know what you want to read about if you don't tell me. |
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